Have you ever breathed in fog? Like walked right into the thick of it and sucked it in, whether by mistake or on purpose. Hits the throat right? And not in the most refreshing way when you’re already experiencing cold symptoms. ‘This is going to be a fun walk’ I thought to myself drawing the curtains and noticing the fog which has probably been filling the morning air for a few days now and I’ve just realised it due to my messed up work schedule. Autumn has come quicker than that summer heatwave lasted (not very long in my mind) and I hope all those ‘I need this heat to end’ commentators, enjoy the extremes of the coming cold. I’m sure you’ve figured by now I’m not one for anything below 16 degrees, but I do appreciate a gorgeous autumn moment. It just feels like somewhere between leaving school and lock-down, I’ve lost track of how September should feel in England. After returning back from the six weeks holidays, that bit of summer still lingered through the month which I can’t say the same for this year. Also, dare I say, the last school summer I experienced was 15 years ago. Sooner than later it’ll be “that other time of the year” which won’t be mentioned for the sake of FOcu-sing on the moment.
The title of this post probably came across as a name of a soulful song, you know… where the sins of the other lover are exposed line for line and the build up into the hook is some empowering message on lessons in love. I’m sorry to have misled you this far, but this post is to refresh not only myself, hopefully anyone else whose been sleeping on love.
Before that walk to work this morning, before almost choking on the fog and noticing the pretty leaves and water around the cobwebs on the roses still hanging on for dear life, I struggled not only to get out of bed but at the thought of making my own coffee- I can explain! One of the perks in marriage or most relationships, is having your partner carry out a job they’re best at through and through. One may be a great cook, the other good at sorting the food shop. My husband brews a good coffee, either that or in the past two years I’ve become accustomed to waking up- smelling the coffee (literally) he’s prepared for us before he’s out the house and off I head to work after my dose- and shower.
This morning unlike the usual, has been bitter sweet, not only that my coffee did not hit the mark, but I went to bed and woke up for the second time without my husband next to me. Thankfully he’s only visiting family and in the company of my brothers at a Moonchild concert! Its the grasp of ‘I’ve not spent this much time alone since being married, I hadn’t even realized the magnitude of attachment living with someone could create, until now’. Usually, I can’t wait to spend a few hours alone, have the bedroom to myself while he watches the tele downstairs or have some catch up time with friends. But this time, the thought of life without my most intimate friend became a wake up call.
I’ve still got the weekend to myself, please don’t think I’m self destructing over a mere couple of days without him lol.
Its about a defining moment, how powerful and sacred a union between two people is without even realising it sometimes. And how it makes sense when separation, especially under circumstances of permanence, leads to a depressive state for some. Of course in my case his absence is only temporarily but, how many people endlessly wish for a lifelong partner? Someone present, the love of their life to keep them company through small discoveries in a day, big events, cozy sit downs with a glass of wine on such autumn days, cooking together or for one another. Exploring the world and sharing ‘first times’, a prayer partner, the only companion they’ve journeyed the past 5, 10 years + with.
As a care assistant by profession, most of my time is split between my household and in the homes of elderly people. Now truth be told I don’t always enjoy my work, but sometimes I think I’m put in certain situations to find wisdom through the lives of others. Particularly for my service in this world as a human being, but also for my marriage. The married clients I assist could be us in our 80’s and the average work day for me is almost an episode of futuristic Eastenders- draaama. I work around dementia so its easy to imagine what goes on in the life of a person living with it or those closely around them. I’ve met couples whose love for one another is still as fierce 60 years later even though the other has no memory of how they met, the day they married or the nasty argument that transpired the night before. What they do know is this is their spouse, the one they’ve laid next to, an unwavering familiarity, a safe space, a team player who considered what they meant when they said ‘in sickness and in health’ even though those words may not resonate anymore. For me, its seeing the daily effort still being poured in by the one without dementia.
To my husband who’ll later read this, I appreciate you, words that may not sound triumphant as a romantic paragraph on the depth of my love for you- I’m keeping it short babe. To myself & the lovers, enjoy those moments with The One You Lay Next To, as much as hope leads us everyday, its not for certain that time will go our way.
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