I’ve had this beautiful song by Emily King on repeat in my head since yesterday, a pivotal day something life-changing didn’t quite happen as I’d faithfully expected it to. False Start is the title of the song, and I’ve assumed it’s based on a breakup. In my case, a representation of letting go of a promise from God- way to break my sensitive heart God!
‘Endings never tell you where to start
Or just how many times they fall apart
And I’ve been sitting, wondering where you are
It’s a false start, almost had my chance
New heart, started making plans
Couldn’t take the pain
Had to walk away
Back the way I came’
After a teary day in bed, a tantrum and expressed disappointment that wasn’t wasted (believe me), I woke up the following day with a softer heart, far from expected. Let’s be honest, like our earthly parents in a disagreement, we feel emotions indifferent to affection towards God and I made it clear to him my willingness to remain stubborn over this matter. Suddenly, I was reminded in conversation with one of my brothers about God’s timing over his revelations and our perception of when those things revealed will happen. Isn’t it funny how sometimes we get led by our heads out of excitement over an idea God’s given? And before he’s even instructed the go ahead, we’re running towards the medal.
The Holy Spirit had revealed something to me but he hadn’t actually given me the time it was to be sown and come into fruition. You wonder why I cried myself to sleep that night. ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.‘ Proverbs 3:5-6. The same God in Jeremiah who knows all the plans he has for us, that God who knows every bit of hair on us, whose word is the very genesis and the way of life, is the same God who’ll bring to pass what he’s spoken.
So how about an ‘amen moment’ as we find solace in the Holy Spirit whom I pray helps us with patience and diligence in the waiting. The time will come because his word is final, he spoke it. Take Heart.
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